The Big Update

I have returned, I'm glad to say.

I have officially survived my first New York winter. I hit a couple of rough patches, but I think I survived with minimal scaring. Here is a giant update on me.

I am completely happy. My life, though still confusing and stressful is looking better.
I'm not moving out of New York City. I decided to stay and fight.
My father finished cancer treatments. He'll be fine, and out-live everyone.
I'm reading Bleak House.
I discovered how beautiful Brooklyn Heights is.
The man and I decided we should slow things down a little bit. I think I'm okay with that.
A lot of my friends from MI arent doing so well. I worry about them a lot these days.
Summer is right around the corner. I will be staying in New York, but going home 2 seperate weeks.
I'm outlining a novella to work on during the summer.
I want to get back into photography.
I'm listening to Etta James right now.
This is the sea by The Waterboys is still my favorite song.
I still walk on Sundays.
I'm still in love with New York City. That is completely certain.

I'm not dead.

I'm just not sure what to write about at the moment. I dont want this blog to end up being my pedestal to bitch about my life being really shitty. But looking over a few of my previous posts, thats basically what it is. And it would seem that I have bi polar syndrome.

I' not bi polar, I'm just a mess. I hope you all can wait a little bit longer. I can promise with barely any doubt that I will be much better when the weather lightens up, and the sun comes out more.

outof ideas

I'm not sure what I should be writing about anymore. I've been trying to think about what I want the tone of my blog to be, how do I want to be percieved? Basically I came up with nothing.
I cant keep blogging about intimate details of my life because I dont want my memories to belong to someone who isnt, well, me. And when I blog about my day, it just becomes this long and arguous read that even I lose interest in. I have no more stories to post, because I havent written any stories to post about.

This my amigos, is an impass.

The man and I have unresolved issues that we're avoiding. The resolution of which will probably be the end to our "relationship". I'm ruining my academic career basically right out of the box. And at random moments I feel myself welling with tears and I dont know where they come from. I know it isnt the city itself. I wont let myself be one of those people who gets bested by New York.

The thing is, (and this will sound childish), I just want to jump in a machine and travel 10 years into the future to see where I'm heading. Will I know the same people, will I even be alive? Will I have time in my life to actually write something that I feel is worthy of the eyes of others?

Does this get any easier? Or is my plate always going to be this full?