I'm not doing so well these days. The relationship is sort of getting off to a rocky start. And we all know that isnt good. School couldnt be worse. I was out last week taking care of MP, and as he was throwing up in the bathroom I relized that I had 2 papers and an exam today. So I'm fucked. Work is getting more and more difficult, and people opinions of me are changing, for reasons I dont know.
As I was coming home from work Saturday instead of going to the man's house, which I usually do, a thought hit me: Go somewhere else. Move. And then the follow up thought hit me: Runaway. Avoid issues, and these arent even very serious issues.
Where would I go: San Fransico, Portland, Seattle, Boston or take a big dive and leave the country.
How would I pay: I would use my parents money, the money they gave me in case I fell on hard times here.
What about school?: I cant pay for school, my parents cant pay for school, the government cant pay for school. My academic career is basically done after next year.
Why go?: Because I know that I'm one of those people who runs from problems and calls it sponteneity. Why do you think I moved to New York in the first place? James, my parents, my depression, my heartache, my sexuality, my boredom.
1 comment:
There is a song I love (that you'll probably hate because it's Something Corporate) called "Watch the Sky" and your post made me think of the lyrics:
I'm lost at sea
The radio is jammed, I bet they won't find me
I swear it's for the best
And then your frequency is pulling me in closer till I'm home
And I've been up for days
I finally lost my mind, and then I lost my way
I'm blistered, but I'm better
And I'm home
I will grow
There's things that aren't worth giving up, I know
But I won't let this get me, I will fight
You live the life you're given with the storms outside
Some days all I do is watch the sky
This room's too small, it's only getting smaller
I'm against the wall, and slowly getting taller
Here in wonderland, this guilt feels so familiar
And I'm home
I will crawl
There's things that aren't worth giving up, I know
But I won't let this get me, I will fight
You live the life you're given with the storms outside
Some days all I do is watch the sky"
Hang in there. You have my number if you need it
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