A recent phone coversation with my best friend to breathe oxygen startled me and has been on my mind ever since.
I was talking with my friend Ms. B and she said something along the lines of: since you moved to NYC you've acted noticeably gayer. She said that she was glad that I felt more comfortable in my own skin, but I got the feeling that my acting made she and her housemates (who also noticed the shift) more uncomfortable. I wasnt at all sure how to respond to this. Do I act gayer? and what does that mean? The stereotypical gay, the madonna loving meth head with a waxed chest and pink t-shirt. That, any of my friends will tell you, I am not. I love my chest hair, I dont like madonna, and I got that pink shirt for free. I'll admit, when I'm in a room full of gay men, listening to Rufus Wainwright and talking about Pop culture I can certainly flip my wrist like the best of them. But thats usually about 3 glasses of wine into the conversation.
I think the thing that bothers alot of people that I know from MI is that I quickly grew very confident about my sexuality. That is one of the MANY reasons I moved to New York. I hated that I could be gay as a gazelle in private company but as soon as I went somewhere fairly public instant paranoia set in. I'm so far past that now, remembering how afraid I was makes me almost ashamed. But when I go back to MI there are no gay friends to joke about 8th avenue with. Its all my straight friends (whom I love to the ends of the earth) from High school.
It's difficult letting my hair down with them still. I love them and I know they accept me for who I am and hopefully always will, considering they've seen the very worst and the very best of me. I do worry though at times, that maybe my sexuality will push them away. And whose fault would that be in the end? In NYC everyone I know would say them, for not accepting the person I've become. In MI however I dont think that it works that way.
I was talking with my friend Ms. B and she said something along the lines of: since you moved to NYC you've acted noticeably gayer. She said that she was glad that I felt more comfortable in my own skin, but I got the feeling that my acting made she and her housemates (who also noticed the shift) more uncomfortable. I wasnt at all sure how to respond to this. Do I act gayer? and what does that mean? The stereotypical gay, the madonna loving meth head with a waxed chest and pink t-shirt. That, any of my friends will tell you, I am not. I love my chest hair, I dont like madonna, and I got that pink shirt for free. I'll admit, when I'm in a room full of gay men, listening to Rufus Wainwright and talking about Pop culture I can certainly flip my wrist like the best of them. But thats usually about 3 glasses of wine into the conversation.
I think the thing that bothers alot of people that I know from MI is that I quickly grew very confident about my sexuality. That is one of the MANY reasons I moved to New York. I hated that I could be gay as a gazelle in private company but as soon as I went somewhere fairly public instant paranoia set in. I'm so far past that now, remembering how afraid I was makes me almost ashamed. But when I go back to MI there are no gay friends to joke about 8th avenue with. Its all my straight friends (whom I love to the ends of the earth) from High school.
It's difficult letting my hair down with them still. I love them and I know they accept me for who I am and hopefully always will, considering they've seen the very worst and the very best of me. I do worry though at times, that maybe my sexuality will push them away. And whose fault would that be in the end? In NYC everyone I know would say them, for not accepting the person I've become. In MI however I dont think that it works that way.
