Sunday, May 27, 2007

Seven Samurai


Seven Samurai! I love this film. Its so beautiful. Alot of people dislike it for its length (3.5 + hours), but I love it because it takes its times. Genius, I suggest you all got get for the long weekend and have a great time watching some of the best cinematography in history. Not to mention the ingenius story line, the class A acting, and the overall wonderfulness of this film.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Happiness Bubbles make me poetic

You have happiness bubbles, right? I sure as shit do. I'm having one right now. It's 12:30 at night, I dont have to be at work for 12 hours and I'm happy as a clam. Sitting in front of my computer listening to Tokyo Police Club, and looking at living prospects. A roach just crawled across my floor.

There are moments where I want more in my life. I feel I maybe should have taken those older men up on their offers of comfort and luxury, but then I think, "wait! I have a brain."
I have been in New York for a little under a year, and even though there are moments when I may crack open and fall to pieces I now have a net. Its not as strong as the net I have from home, but its still a decent size. As long as the dismount isnt too fucked up it should catch me.
I'm happy here, I belong here.

One of the reasons I love it so much is because I know that somewhere in the city, there's another 1/8,000,000 who is sitting in their bed, just like me who thinks this is the wrong place for them. Many fight the current, we are all salmon in our lives. What New York teaches you is that, even if youre a bright pink and yellow polk-a-dotted salmon there's still a place here for you. From the projects of the south Bronx to the backyards of Staten Island, we are diversity. I couldnt live anywhere else.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Friends grow in Brooklyn

Yesterday is officially on my list of favorite days ever. I woke up at around 9:30, after what was a much needed 10 hours of sleep. I made coffee went to the bathroom and got back into bed. 2 text messages came about 30 mins apart. One from my friend Kim, the other my friend Kathrine, both apologizing and bowing out of brunch in the East Village. I went out and bought a Sunday Times in my shorts and flip flops, the $ 3.50 clenched in my hand. My dreadlocks haphhazord on my head. I didnt care, I was happy.

I returned to my most humble abode, and finished The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. I've been studying for finals so I havent had much time to read or write. It was by every defenition amazing.

I got a call from Sanderson (one of the Michaels) inviting me to the street fair in Park Slope, "there'll be beer" he inticed. "I'm on my way." I said pulling on my pants.
I got there and gave him a call. I told him where I was and he said he would meet me there. I found myself in front of a tent overflowing with old LPs and second hand cds. I almost shit myself. The most expensive of them; the Hendrix, and The beatles was maybe $25. I dont actually have an LP player here in New York, but thats why its an impulse by.

I getting worked up in order to start heckling with the man over a Joe Tex LP that I had to have when I felt an affectionate squeeze on my ass. I turned, Sanderson was there, "Hey stud, what's going on?" I hugged, we talked a little bit. I argued and lost my Joe Tex heckle and so we decided to find the other Michaels and Angela. We met them on the corner of Garfield street and 5th ave.

MP is a Michael and Mitchell is a Michael, Angela isnt a Michael but she should be. We chatted had our hello kisses and walked a bit. We decided on brunch and Mitchell picked Bogota, a South American restaurant in Park Slope. We sat down and oggled the hispanic waiters. Sanderson's knee resting gently against mine. The adults got rounds of bloody mary's, I got coffee. They were all hung over from Angela's birthday party last night. I was invited but couldnt attend, it was at a bar in the city and there was no way I could have gotten it.

This came up in conversation again as the issue of pride came into being. "What do you mean you don't have a fake I.D.?" Mitchell chided, " What kind of teenager are you?"
"I've never needed one." I confessed, "I havent been carded since I was 16."
"How long ago was that again?" Angela asked.
"Not that long ago," Sanderson joked.
Mitchell looked at Sanderson and half jokingly said "Dude, you're so lucky."

Sanderson and I are kind of seeing each other. I've explained the whole story about my relationship with the man, and his leaving. I asked to take things slow, he respected that.

So the Michaels were thinking of way to sneak me into the pier dance. I confessed my lack of rythmn and they wouldnt have it.
"you have to go," Sanderson said "you're part of the group now."
"Ohh I love you guys!" I said.

The conversation quickly changed to more recent things.
"We should do a brunch one day." Mitchell suggested. "I think a brunch would be really fun."
"That's a great idea," Angela said.
"Central park?" MP offered up.
"Prospect park?" I offered, "I mean you all live like 4 blocks away. I'll bring a frisbee, we'll get a big coffee thurmos, and some scones or something."
Mitchell set down his bloody mary, "Wow," he said, "You really are gay."

A chuckel was had by all. Then I threw an ice cube at him.

I had the best french toast in my life. And I'm very serious about french toast. We sat and chatted through 3 rounds of coffee. Then we headed back out into the day. There was band playing that no one got the name of. They were great. A jam band, but, you know...good.
"Hey why isnt anyone hippie dancing?" Angela asked.
"This is Park slope sweetie," MP said, "Lesbians dont hippie dance."

It was around 5:30 by then, we all decided to split up and take naps. "What are you guys gunna do?" Angela asked.
"Take a nap," Sanderson said. "I dont know if Jesse's coming with me. Hey Jesse wanna take-"
"Yes," I said.

We split up at about 9 I left Sanderson's and called MP.
"Hey sweetie," he said. "What's up?"
"FOOD!!!"
"Come over, We'll figure something out."

We decided on fish and chips. Mostly because I wanted beer. At the restaurant we had Monty Python's Holy Ale. I love the British. And the best cod of my life.

As I walked to the train station I reflected on my day, my friends, my life. When I got home I called Lady B and we talked till 2 a.m. It was a perfect end to a perfect day.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Look who's writing again!!!!

I finally found time to write today, and now that I did I'm not sure how I feel about it. You tell me.
Jon and Andrew are watching tv, cuddling. Its early spring, still cold. Its nightime.

Jon is 21
Andrew is 40

Jon: I'm thinking of moving. Any suggestions?
Andrew: Why are you thinking of moving?
Jon: I dont really have much here, you know? I just want to carve something out for myself.
Andrew: What about me?
Jon playfully: You have David.(pause) I'm just …whatever I am.
Andrew: And youre okay with that idea?
Jon: No, but if its a choice between being with you like this and not being with you at all...
Andrew: You're not just "Whatever" to me, you know that.
Jon: Dont lie. youre bad at it.
Andrew (standing): I'm not lying. I really care about you. More maybe than I let on, but its there.
Jon (walking into the kitchen with him): And how would I know that if you didnt show me?
Andrew: youre in love with me arent you.
Jon: Yes
Andrew: And youre thinking of moving because you cant stand the idea of my not loving you.
Jon: Maybe.
Andrew(getting angry): Dont maybe me. I know you better than you think i do.
Jon: You think you know.
Andrew: I know. I know that you say my name in your sleep. I know that you hate that you love me. I know that you hate that I knew that you love me and never brought it up.
Jon: I'm too young for you to love.
Andrew: Wrong.
Jon: You dont love me. I'm not the person people stay with. I'm the retreat.
Andrew: Some people may mistake your pesimism for wisdom. Be careful.

Jon walks to the door and starts getting ready to leave.

Andrew: what are you doing?
Jon: I cant walk around manhattan with one shoe can I? Give that back.
Andrew: come to bed.
Jon: So you can listen to me whisper your name in my sleep. So you can hear me loving you? What a masturbatory fantasy that is Andrew.
Andrew: That was just cruel. apologize.
Jon: I'm leaving. (pause) I have to leave.
Andrew: if you stay-
Jon: you'll buy me candy?

Andrew pushes Jon against the door. Jon pushes him back.

Jon: You bring me here, cook me meals, fuck me, make me laugh...Kiss my fucking eyes! Of course I love you. But you do that to him, too. You have jokes, one liners. You have places and moments and photographs. I have saturday night after I get out of work. When youre so tired that you fall asleep before I get here. What happened to ice skating? what happened to a trip to the beach? You may like me alot, and I'm sure that you do, but you dont love me. Youre not in love with me and you never will be. I'm the secret. I'm here to start your fucking car and then slowly we'll fall out of touch. Or you'll rip me off like bandaid and be done with me. I must be some kind of masochist or something?

Jon leans against the door and looks at Andrew with hurt eyes."I just want to register somewhere on your scale"

Andrew: you mean more to me than you could possibly know.

Andrew puts his hands on either side of Jon's head. He looks at him sincerely.

Jon: I dont want to be a foolish child about this, I dont want to overreact. I dont want to sound like and idiot, but I do.I dont want to be jealouse and think jealous things: is he a better kisser than me? What jokes do you have? When youre together do you even need to talk and if you do can you finish each other sentences anyway? Which one is the seriouse one? Who's the outter spoon?
Andrew: You dont have to worry about any of that stuff.
Jon: I'm the other woman, its my job to worry about that stuff.
Andrew: your not the other woman. Now please take off your coat and come to bed.

Jon takes off his coat.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The post about moving one (breaking up)

Me: He just left me. I feel fragile. Like if you tip me the wrong way I may break.
Joey: Oh, Jesse.

And thus the story of the relationship between the man and the younger man is over. I think I'm doin okay. When I think about him, though, those moments where its just me and him: A kiss on the neck that innitiates love making, a wink, a joke, a bad song he used to sing in the shower. The pang in my heart, it hurts now. Almost as though I'm trying to make my chest pang. Its a little hollow. And I feel tired.

He's going to Cambodia for a month, leaving on Tuesday. When he returns we'll be friends, because he's on the most important people in my life, but we will only be friends. I think its okay for me to be incredibly upset about that. He's upset also, but it had to happen. The games we were playing couldnt last forever. I'm not getting any younger. ( I think its a good thing that I can keep a sense of humor through this.)

I've been hanging out with MP alot. Which is great because he's an amazing friend. I owe him more than he realizes I'm certain.

I dont mean to sound incredibly maudlin about all of this. I saw it coming I knew we were breaking up along time ago. But knowing its coming and actually experiencing it are two different things. But I have air in my lungs and a really loud neighbor who screams during sex above my head. I havent smoke a cigarette in 3 weeks. And my gums look pink instead of blood red. Kudos for me.

Monday, May 07, 2007

My favorite things






Because I have no idea how to put what I'm reading listening to on my sidebar (I blame the shrooms), I'm going to post them. And if any of my amigo bloggers would like to send me an email about how to put that stuff on my sidebar I may hug you.








What I'm listening to:










The new Bright Eyes cd is absolutly brilliant. Everyone should hear it. I didnt want to believe that anyone could be my generations Bob Dylan, because Bob Dylan is still my generations Bob Dylan. But Damn Conor Oberst is pretty fucking close.


And Tokyo Police Club. Okay, imagine this: The Strokes and the Flaming Lips get into a fight in an ally. Who wins? The flaming lips, but they're covered in The Strokes' blood. Thats what Tokyo Police Club sounds like.


What I'm reading:


Yes this novel deserves the Pulitzer Prize. I cant wait until my nerdy grand kids find out I have a first edition of this book.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I quit smoking


I did it yesterday. After I realized I now have Gingivitis. Which is a wonderful developement I must say. Maybe next I'll have herpes, or maybe I'll discover a KS lesion on my ass.


In other news I am doing my best to block outside stress. I tend to make things really hard for myself more or less because my expectations for myself are out of this world and when I dont meet them I cry, or walk around looking at my feet. Or do as I have been doing, burying my problems in a Hagen Das vanilla ice cream and Angels in America. Trust me it works.


On June 25 I'll have been in New York City for a year. In many ways I feel like I'm just now setteling in. I can't wait for the summer, so I have more time to myself, and for other things. Many books will be read in Central Park this summer I assure you.


If I get bored enough I may put my reading list on here. I promise I will blog more. I promise.