I'm back

Thankgiving I was home. I was surrounded by friends from high school I was smiling and they were asking all these questions. I get a text from a friend in New York "so how is it?" I text her back later and say "I dont fit in here. Everyone is the same and I'm so different." This was the thesis statement of me trip.

I still love my friends from home, and I miss them terribly. But being in New York has toughened me up. Made me less afraid to step on toes, made me less afraid to be me. My parents were great. They having seen me in New York mode, kicking cabs and telling tourist to "please get the fuck out of my way?" they know that I'm different then my brother and sisters because I need to be. Life in Michigan is simple. You grow up, get married, have kids, and then die. I cant do that. I cant follow that time line, life is too short and precious to spend pushing a shopping cart around Wal-mart for 20 years.

My mom told me on the way to the airport that my life was too big for two penninsulas. Its true I want to much out of life and I know it. But I'm not going to sacrifice my deepest and most important dreams because of someone else. Unless I'm so in love that that person that at times I cant sit still.

The trip reminded me why I felt I needed to leave, but also why I call Michigan home. I still love the space, the elbow room. But thats not what I'm looking for now. I dont know if thats ever going to be what I'm looking for but now its good to know its there to go back to.

I got to see my car! Now I have alot of friends and I love them all. But my car...he'll be with me forever. Jefferey Talbot III I named him myself. My green saturn coup. I didnt get to drive him this time, but I will in the summer when I got a

Thanksgiving Part 1

So I flew in yesterday. Everything was great, a little turbulance on the east coast but after we got over the Adriondacks it was smooth sailing. Except for one thing, I wasnt on my schedualed flight. My flight was cancelled and I was rerouted...to St. Paul. There I had a 3 hour layover before I flew from St. Paul to Grand Rapids, MI.

The whole trip sucked. I cried in the airport, on the phone with my mom. Who by the way was absolutly histerical. Luckily I got to the airport super early, and they could reroute me on an earlier flight. I read alot. A hell of a lot.

On the first flight to St. Paul I sat between a french man who decided to sleep on my, drooling on my chest. The second flight I talked to a guy about New York Versus Miami. I was defenitly winning until he said the "S" word: Snow.

My family is great. They survived without me for a long time. My room is still the same, except I can see the floor.

They Say it's my Birthday!

So this morning, 12:01 am to be exact, my brother woke me from my slumber and yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIT HEAD!!!!!!" into my ear. I love my brother and I love that he remembered the day I started to ruin his life, but dont yell about it.

So it is my birthday, and I am 19 years old. If anyone here is detective(Mr. HK) I'm fairly certain that from my openess about person details such as the day I was born, my first name, and not only borough but neighborhood that I live in, you would be able to find me in some archive or other.

But on to the events of the day. I'll spare you the Proustian details and give you the highlights:

1.)I woke up.(A commonly overlooked yet vital part of everysingle day.)

2.) I woke up in time to make myself a pot of coffee and watch the Today show, props to meredith but I do miss Katie, she was perky.

3.)I went to class. In my english class my professor wants us to write a memoir or short semi-autobiographical story from our lives. We went around the room and everyone said what they wanted to write about then it got to me.

Frumpy: I know you have a ton of stories. Anything you havent written about before? Are you saving something special for me?

me(casually): I'll probably write about when I used to be into prescription drugs. I'm kind of tired of writing about my sexuality, ya know?

Class(in unison): You're gay!?!?!

Me:...Really you didnt know?

Spoiled little rich girl: But you dont dress well?

4.) I got my new phone today. Its very nice and shiny.

5.)I went to Bergdorff Goodman. The most intimidating experience of my life.

6.)I saw Al Sharpton on 5th Avenue. Probably going home after a long day of bitching about American and thinking about how to fix it.

7.) I bought myself a cd. The Waterboys are amazing and they deserve more mainstream notification. And Keane needs to stop stealing their sound.

8.) I got happy birthdays. So many happy birthdays. But at the same time, it wasnt that big of a deal. Just any other day.

9.) I'm about to go to dinner with Michael. Japanese food...mmmmmmmmm.

10.) I'm going to go home and pack because I'm leaving for Michigan tomorrow. Turkey day is just around the corner.

P.s. I'm eating turkey dinner at sister 1's house. Shit. shit. and double shit.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE

Bad in bed

I'm having trouble sleeping again. This time I fear I may actually be developing insomnia. This isnt good for many reasons, mostly because I really love to sleep. I used to be a professional. I would sleep in the car, in my bed, in someone else's bed, on the floor, in the shower.(This sounds like all the places I've had sex in the last year, just missing the airport bathroom). All I'm saying is that I was once good in bed.

All that has changed. First it was the stress of not having a job that kept me up for almost 50 hours straight. Now its because of the job that keeps me working about 40 hours a week. The problem isnt work itself that work shifts are really fucked up. There's the normal 9-6(hour lunch included) and then theres the 5-1:30. Now usually during the week I close. So I'm used to going to bed at around 2:30, but on the weekends they've started making me open. This basically fucks up my entire life completely.

I dont get more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep on Friday night as it is. Saturday is usually just as god awful. So I read, and work on papers until about 1 in the morning when I say fucking A and take 2 Tylenol PM and even then I cant sleep sometimes.

But now I'm going to go home and watch Angels in America for the 47th time. I will eat Oreo's because they make me smile, and I will sketch a painting by Dali because I have to. Then I will climb into bed and fall asleep. Luckily Angels in America is 6 hours long so I should be spot on when I finally hit the hay.

Ba-ba-birthday

So I'm turning the big 1 9 on Tuesday, and I'm freaking out. Why? How am I only 19!?!?! I dont make. I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day and he said " I really wish that in at least one respect you would fit you demographic profile." PEOPLE DONT EVEN TALK TO 19 YEAR OLDS THAT WAY!!!!!! I'm to upset at the idea of being only one more year older. Christ, I cant even take my own youth seriously...shit.

Yo!

I really dont know what to use for titles half the time I swear, I know that they're kind of shotty, I apologize.

So folks, what's new? Well My birthday is coming up in about a week. I cant wait, even though it seems alot less important this year, probably because I forgot about it until someone asked me when it was. I have to go home the following day, to Michigan. Thanksgiving dinner with the familia. Its going to be very interesting and I will keep you all very well informed. My brother and I are sort of planning all out war with my eldest sister. Sister #1. I also have 2 papers to write this week, because I wont have time to procrastinate and turn them in when they are actually due( 3 hours after I get off the returning plane). But today I have many glorious things to do with my time, like clean my apartment, do the laundry, buy food, and maybe a book.

I will let you know how the reading is going.

I'm still having trouble sleeping some nights. I think its because of my job. Working 9-6 on weekends, then working 5-1:30 on weeknights, its kinda messed everything up. I'm considering finding a new job, after I come back from Christmas Vacation, but I still dont know, my job does kick ass still. Any suggestions? I'm all ears.

Switching out

I've decided something very important: I'm transferring schools.

I need to get the hell out of my school, now. Its a good school, really it is, but I dont want to waste 2 years taking core classes when I can just get onto my majors(art history and english lit). I want to do something really interesting with my life, and I dont think that the school I'm at can give me the education I want. Plus its a really great reason for getting out of where I'm living now.

Being awoken by gun shots is an experience, so is people on my fire escape at night. But my favorite part, more than the roaches, more than the mice, more than the crazy super who thinks he's Moses, the look on peoples faces when I tell them where I live.

My favorite was my friend Lady L.(in true form I will digress.)

Lady L: So where do you live, near the school I hope.
Me: Yeah just south of prospect park, about 2 blocks south.
Lady L: East of west?
Me:&%^%
Lady L: HOLY SHIT YOU LIVE THERE? Is it scary? But then again it seems like one of those places that seems more unsafe than it really is.
Me: Its unsafe. I havent been robbed, and there's really nice people in the area, but there are better places to live.
Lady L: And worse.
Me: Very true.

Its just that look on the faces, ya know? But I dont want my blog to be the bitchings of a boy in the big city. I dont want it to turn into Queen in the big city. (Dont you know that when you clean youre suppose to pick up the plants and clean UNDER THEM!?!?!!?!?!) I'm no diva I still shop at the GAP.

big decisions

I've made a decision, I'm going to India.

You're all probably wondering what brought about this crazy idea, and I'm here to tell you. I need adventure. I knew from a very early age that I'm not one of those Americans to sit around in the same...country for the rest of my life. I need to get out, stretch my legs, keep moving. I blame having watched "Angels in America" 60,000 times for my fear of keeping still.

I want really kickass stories to freshen up my life. I want my parents to able to brag about me, for example:

Mrs. H(my mother secretly hates her): Oh hey there Jesse's mom how are you?

My mom: Oh Mrs. H I didnt see you there. I'm good. Yourself?

Mrs. H: I'm great. My son just graduated from Yale Law School.

My mom: That's wonder! You (treacherous bitch) must be so proud.

Mrs. H: I am, Soooo proud. So how's Jesse doing in big old New York?

My mom(sneering): actually, Jesse's in India taking some time off and volunteering for a relief organization. But dont we all?

Mrs. H: Thats right we do. My son met the President, at a school function the other night.

My mom: Jesse fucked his son last month, he's a total nelly bottom bitch in bed, but he puts up a great front, no?

Mrs. H: I...uh...well that IS news isnt it.

My mom( digging deeper): Yes it is, and aparently Jesse won an internship with Howard Dean, but he turned it down so he could focus on writing his next book.

Mrs. H: I didnt know he was published.

My mom: well his stuff isnt for the Daniel Steele audience. He uses the pen name Gore Vidal. Sorry Mrs. H I gotta run. We're throwing Jesse a huge welcome home party, but we wanted to make all the signs in Hindi, you know? Oh well toodles. Tell your son I said hello.

Mrs. H: Sure thing, bye bye. (To self) what the hell is Hindi?

* Disclaimer: This would never happen, my mom would never say nelly.


I just want my life to be interesting, ya know?

I'm back!

So over the past few days I've been trying to get back into the swing of this whole blogging deal. I took a vacation aparently just as more people started to read it. Sorry about that. I've had to put writing on the back burner for the time being. Maybe when I go home for turkey day I'll get some interesting new stories. I know you're all dying to hear about Thanksgiving dinner: the fighting, the yelling, the swearing, the crying, the throwing soup spoons at my sister's so called face.

To be honest what I'm really dreading is seeing James again. I dont know if I want to talk to him, dont know if I want to see him at all. I havent seen him since June, I havent seen anyone since June. I'm hoping New York hasnt turned me into a total asshole. My parents were suprised by the number and speed at which I can string together swear words at cab drivers who try to run us over.

I'm also worried about my apartment. I dont live in a safe neighborhood, and leaving it alone for a week is going to have me going nuts. I was thinking of letting a friend have the keys, to check up and stuff, but do I trust my friends that much? Am I a paranoid uptown hussy? Well I've certainly done nothing recently to recieve hussy status. But I am considering prostitution, if only I had time for it though. And crack makes your lips are crackly. Not so good.

I must go however, I have a paper to write, and hours of sleep to obstane from.

But if anyone out there is a "pro" feel free to enlighten me with story via email.

deepest apologies from me

I am so sorry!

My folks are here, they arent driving me nuts like before. But they are driving me nuts.

Things have gone haywire in the last few days, hence the lack of entries. But I promise that I will post more when I get time. I have piping hot dish for all of you.

I have a story to post as well. Unfortunatly I must take my leave at the moment.

I love you all.

Thanks for hanging in there.