Bob: the other parent

So I know that I have a sort of biased attraction to older men. I'm aware of this, and dont sweat it too much. I get along with people older than me much better than with peope my own age. I go to great lengths to aviod conversations like the following:

Tween #1: Oh. My. God. stacie did you know that Brad and Debbie are dating again?

Tween #2[with ipod still plugged into head]: No. Way. I cant believe that!!! Its only been like 3 milla-seconds since he broke up with kimberly!!!!

Tween #1: He even told her he likes her more than just friends, and she let him borrow her copy of "the Notebook".

Tween #2[still with ipod]: That sound really serious. Poor kimberly.

Tween #1[unsympathetic]: Look, kimberly kinda deserved it though, I mean she's such a slut for what she did to Jim.

Tween #2: I guess you have a point, but Jim has such a rockin body.



If I ever talk like that please shoot me.

But on with the story.

So the 4 people who read this know that I lost my debit card yesterday. I got a phone call from Bob, I informed him of my lack of dinero. And he starts telling me about some teenage girl from Jersey who got raped and murdered behind a dumpster in Chelsea. It's sad I understand that, and I'm aware of how dangerous this city is, I already told him about my bad night.

Now I refuse to freudenize my attraction to older men, mostly because the idea of secretly wanting to fuck my dad is both distrubing and makes think a better idea would be shitting out of my mouth and then eating it.

And secondly, I didnt move 1,000 miles away from my parents to aquire a second one. I mean if I wanted to be lectured about the dangers of New York City all I would have to do is call home. Where the right after "Hi honey" and "How are you" I'll be asked "So you werent mugged today were you?" I'm no idiot, I just dropped my debit card, not my fucking lung.

And then the thing that really preplexed me was as soon as he finished scolding me, he invited me to the beach again. I still cant tell if I'm brown or red. I told him I'd think about it. Though I dont think he heard the slight "are you fucking kidding me?" condisention in my voice.